Bling: A Novel

The New Yorker

In this gleeful satire of the hip-hop glitterati, a girl from the sticks comes to New York to make it big and risks losing her soul along the way, literally—she’s a wanna-be soul singer who gets forcibly made over into a ghetto-fab princess, complete with diamond monograms on her jeans, fake breasts, and a Brazilian bikini wax. When she is taken under the wing of a publicity-addicted aging (thirty-one, that is) supermodel and a dipsomaniac socialite from a Park Avenue family, the old Pygmalion plot swings into action. Kennedy takes us briskly through this oversized, exuberant world, dispatching her heroine into the arms of a mogul boss in a series of wickedly maladroit sex scenes. The minor characters here are half the fun, like the ex-con “thug genius” whose latest hit has a chorus composed entirely of gunfire.

Sia Michel

… for any woman who could never get past a velvet rope, reading Bling is like stepping into a rap video with an armed bodyguard and a $5,000 Louis Vuitton Theda bag.
— The New York Times

Publishers Weekly

Hip-hop's sexed-up commercial side meets its gangsta roots in this sassy beach read debut. Eternal playboy Lamont Jackson is the larger-than-life head of hip-hop label Triple Large Entertainment, and Mimi Jean, a sexy, na ve 20-year-old with golden pipes, is his newest protege. Mimi's whirlwind life among New York's glitterati is paved with Lamont's money and guided with either love or malice by his many hangers-on, including wild child Lena, level-headed assistant Imani and height-challenged A&R rep Daryl. Mimi gets the makeover of her life in her rise to the top-a vocal coach, a new wardrobe and a boob job-as Lamont grooms his star. The label's gangsta-style rappers (Flo$$, Radickulys, MC Grimy, etc.) introduce a bit of badass into Mimi's glossy world. And it doesn't take long until Lamont and sweet little Mimi are burning up the sheets. The writing is pretty pedestrian, but who cares? Kennedy offers salacious details to spice up the already over-the-top premise. A firmer editorial hand could have chopped out a couple hundred pages and made the tale sleeker and just as lip-smacking. But then readers wouldn't get to play as many games of who's-really-who: was Lena inspired by Nicole Richie? Is Mimi Mariah Carey and Lamont Sonny Mottolla? Entertainment journalist Kennedy should find her own star rising with this urban fairy tale. Agent, Ira Silverberg. (July) Copyright 2004 Reed Business Information.

Library Journal

It's no surprise that reading Kennedy's oversized first novel is akin to reading Us Weekly and In Style, since she writes about entertainment and fashion for both magazines. Unconventionally handsome and sexually insatiable, Lamont Jackson heads Triple Large Entertainment-the leading producer of hip-hop albums-but he wants to become president of Augusta Records by turning Mimi Jean, a small-town singer from Toledo, into a ghetto-girl and R&B star. The huge cast of characters includes rappers, hip-hop artists, and hangers-on. Dedicated shoppers will delight in the product placements, and those in the know will put together which character is modeled on which real-life famous person. Public libraries with celebrity magazine readers will want to purchase; those far from the world of hip-hop can probably wait and purchase for demand. [Kennedy was profiled in a recent New York Times story about African American chick lit.-Ed.]-Nancy Pearl, Washington Ctr. for the Book, Seattle Copyright 2004 Reed Business Information.

Kirkus Reviews

Hip-hop heaven. That's where Mimi wants to be, among the gods and goddesses of black music, dating eight-figure niggas and living large. Growing up in Toledo, Ohio, without her Haitian father, who walked out long ago on her Italian-American mother, she knows she's not entirely black, but she's sure as hell not white either. Segue to New York, where Lamont Jackson, a hustling music producer thinks Mimi just might be the next big thing. He sets out to improve her image and get her noticed. Posh parties with thugillionaires get her face in the papers, but a pretty face isn't enough. Lamont's birthday present to Mimi: new boobs. Other big decisions loom: rhinestones on the fake fingernails or just French tips? Straight bleached-blond extensions or natural curls? Lamont oversees the process, glamming Mimi up big-time, though he insists that she dress like a Catholic schoolgirl after midnight, in short plaid skirt, bobby socks, and saddle shoes, and that she call him Daddy at climactic moments. Mimi, a practical gal, doesn't mind much. It saves time and gets her what she wants: lots of oral sex. She brags to her girlfriends, who gather regularly for gossipy, backstabbing shriekfests, that "Lamont eats her out with the ferocity of a famine victim presented with a steaming bowl of rice." But she's no fool, and it's clear these raunchy ways and constant couplings might not be a forever kind of love, so Mimi casts wayward looks at reclusive genius Gemini, another producer, who's holed up in a filthy mansion with his all-male posse. Could Gem be The One? Maybe-if one of his ubiquitous homies could be persuaded to change the sheets. A cast of thousands in ghetto-fabulous attire talk nonstop, dropdesigner names, and worry 'bout running red lights in they limos, but it don't add up to much in this dull first novel. Bling is just plain bland. Film rights to Miramax; first printing of 100,000; author tour. Agent: Tad Floridis/Donadio & Olson