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Death & Dying - Sociocultural Aspects, Death, Grief & Bereavement, Family Tragedies, Sons & Daughters - Biography
Fathers Aren't Supposed to Die by SHINE β€” book cover

Fathers Aren't Supposed to Die

by SHINE
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Overview

It begins with a phone call. It could have been his best friend, or the phone company trying to get him to make one more switch. Instead, it's the older brother he hasn't seen in years informing Terry Shine that their father is lying in a hospital bed unable to speak, bleeding in the brain. Terry and his four brothers rush to the hospital and prepare for the end, but nothing could have prepared them for what is to come.

"Old people are supposed to die," Terry acknowledges in a whisper of resignation. "Yeah, but fathers aren't," his brother Bill responds. Suddenly, five estranged siblings are plunged together into a bewildering world of medical choices and living wills -- of hours sitting by their father's bed, begging him simply to blink, to squeeze a hand, to nod. With no formal guidelines to follow, Terry and his brothers fumble along while their helplessness makes them focus on absurdities: What kind of car does each doctor drive? Which vending machine has the best Danish? They bring in a boom box and some of their father's CDs, trying everything in their power to drive the life back into him. They keep trying until sheer exhaustion leads them to the brink of acceptance. But, as the Shine family discovers, there is nothing that trains us to navigate death's terrain, and nothing we can do to come out of the experience unscathed: death slams us in ways we can never possibly have fathomed.

At once heart-wrenching, insightful, and piercingly witty, Fathers Aren't Supposed to Die masterfully captures the devastating experience of trying to come to terms with a parent's death.

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Editorials

Publishers Weekly - Publisher's Weekly

A feature writer for the Florida weekly newspaper City Link, Shine has written a brave, painfully honest account of his father's death at 78 from a subdural brain hematoma, which precipitated the reunion of the author and his four brothers, who had drifted apart. Virtually camping out in the hospital intensive care unit, taking turns at keeping vigil, the brothers question God, debate living wills, relive boyhood memories, curse out the uncommunicative, at times amazingly callous, doctors and debate whether or not to pull the plug on their father's life-support as he lies speechless and motionless after surgery. Each son sees a different father: to some he's a no-nonsense tough guy, while to others he is still Daddy, who cannot possibly leave them. Shine fends off the Grim Reaper blues with deadpan humor that makes for lively, grabbing reading. Beneath his stance of almost flip detachment, however, runs an undercurrent of love tinged with regret and sorrow, as he fitfully tries to reconnect with his mute father, with brothers grown distant and with his mother, "a precious but ornery old lady" wrapped in depression and stoic reserve. Halfway through the book, Shine--and the reader--receive a tremendous shock, making for a double-barreled tragedy that reduces the author to a primal scream. His father, a WWII veteran, gets a ceremonial burial in Arlington National Cemetery, but there is no closure: grieving takes a lifetime, and fractured families don't magically cohere. This open-ended, raw quality lends Shine's agnostic memoir its power and healing grace. (Apr.) Copyright 2000 Cahners Business Information.|

Book Details

Published
April 26, 2000
Publisher
New York : Simon & Schuster, c2000.
Pages
224
Format
Hardcover
ISBN
9780684863511

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