Marriage, Family - Sociocultural Aspects, Interfaith & Intercultural Marriage, Religious Rituals & Practices - General & Miscellaneous, Ethnic & Minority Studies - United States

Mixed Matches

Name: Mixed Matches
Author: Crohn
ISBN: 9780449909614

by Crohn

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Overview

Mixed matches are more complicated relationships than those between people from similar backgrounds. Often, the very qualities that attracted us to our partners ultimately lie at the roots of our most difficult problems. For even when partners don't feel a strong identification with their racial, religious, or cultural groups, they discover that their loyalty to the past goes deeper than they realized. Psychotherapist Joel Crohn has learned in years of counseling couples in cross-cultural relationships that how partners negotiate their cultural and religious differences is as important as what the difference are.

Over time, the reserve of a Protestant wife can seem like emotional withholding to her Jewish husband, whose openness seems intrusive to her. An Asian father may feel his children need more discipline, while his American wife thinks they have it harder than she did. A black Trinidadian man is excited about the opportunities in the United States, while his Detroit-born black girlfriend thinks he's naive about racism. The methods in Mixed Matches have helped these and many other couples approach each other compassionately, teaching them to "translate" their different styles of expression and negotiate successful resolutions. Dr. Crohn also offers practical advice on how couples can confront prejudice and stereotypes, deal with in-laws, and help children achieve a sense of identity in a bicultural family.

In this groundbreaking and timely new book, one of the nation's foremost experts on cross-cultural marriage shares his vast knowledge of the unique strains these couples face and helps them develop the necessary skills to make their marriages thrive. Informative and practical, Mixed Matches is an indispensable guide in today's changing cultural landscape. West Coast tour.

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Editorials

Publishers Weekly - Publisher's Weekly

According to psychotherapist Crohn, 21% of Catholics and 32% of Jews now live in interfaith households, while marriages between blacks and whites more than tripled between 1970 and 1991. In his sensitive, smart treatment of this timely topic, Crohn draws on nearly 14 years of research into how mixed couples deal with each other, with their children, with their families and with society. Most of the book is devoted to interactions within a couple, starting with bad reasons for a mixed match (e.g., stereotypes of the compliant Asian woman; rebellion against parents) and moving on to cultural differences in modes of communication, in the importance of family, in the role of women. Drawing on numerous examples, Crohn argues that even when the couple is comfortable with their religious choices (an atheist couple of Protestant and Jewish upbringings, or a Catholic Irish-Mexican couple), divergent cultural histories cannot be ignored-particularly when that couple has children. And if upbringing doesn't raise questions about diverse backgrounds, children often force the issue, asking questions as they try to pinpoint their identities and their place within both family and society. Through exercises, Crohn helps couples examine their cultural baggage, and through examples, he offers models on how to deal with conflict. The one weakness is that while many of Crohn's examples include a reserved partner or one who considers the past a closed subject, the exercises rely on both partners participating equally. Author tour. (Feb.)

Library Journal

In a largely unnoticed revolution, millions of people are now defying taboos and forming intimate relationships with partners from other cultural, religious, and racial backgrounds. Here psychotherapist Crohn leads such people on a quest to answer the questions: "Should we practice two religions or one?"; "Which holidays should we celebrate?"; and "Should our children's names reflect their heritage?" In addition to the social and familial conflicts, Crohn also discusses culturally based conflicts that may too easily be understood merely as irreconcilable personality differences. He goes on to describe methods for helping couples resolve the problems that arise from varying world views. Various exercises, in-depth questionnaires, and sample dialogue allow the reader to learn by observing how other couples and families have built bridges across their differences. An exhaustive "resource" section, including support groups, books for young adults, and bibliographies, concludes the book. Crohn's attempt to address the problems of a broad spectrum of "inter-" marriages will make this an appropriate book for librarians to recommend widely. Recommended for all public libraries.-Marty D. Evensvold, Magnolia P.L., Tex.