Never Let Me down : A Memoir

Publishers Weekly - Publisher's Weekly

During the late 1950s, just months before she graduated from Bennington College, Miller's father casually informed her that he had been a heroin addict for much of her childhood. This was to be the key to understanding and reconciling her intense childhood fears, the many moves her family made around New York City, her mother's crippling depression and the beatings and incestuous contact Miller suffered at the hands of her older brother, Aaron. Rather than accumulating remembered details sequentially, Miller extracts in a nonlinear fashion one memory at a time, as if each one "is like a hot stove. I cannot touch it for more than an instant." The result is a haunting, slowly evolving inquiry into the construction of self, a series of memories strung together by association, and examined as they might be over a series of therapy sessions. Eventually, Miller achieved a sort of reconciliation with her father and was able to come to terms with the events and emotions springing from his once-secret addiction. All the same, his inability to see beyond himself, and her mother's unwillingness to act in Miller's defense, remain lingering points of frustration for the author. A candid memoir that beautifully illustrates the ongoing processes of trauma recovery and self-investigation.

Library Journal

Consistent with the current trend to "tell all" about one's childhood, this memoir, a first book, describes a bizarre life growing up with a heroin-addicted father; a passive, hand-wringing mother; and an abusive brother. Miller spent her early years in the Washington Heights neighborhood of Manhattan during the 1950s, enveloped in hopeless fear. Her brother beat her mercilessly and molested her sexually whenever their mother wasn't around. She found her father's musician friends charming and his raw intellect inspiring, yet his erratic behavior frightened her. Learning of his heroin addiction when she was 21 provided some answers and even more questions, especially why her mother continued to stay with her father. The nightmarish quality of her early years gradually emerges as Miller tells her story through a repetitive, almost circular narrative, constantly moving in and out of the past. The technique slowly builds momentum while conveying the impression of an author using the memoir as a vehicle to greater understanding. Her book should appeal to readers interested in learning about addiction and its impact on families. Nancy R. Ives, SUNY at Geneseo