Rationalizations to Live By

A book for everyone who's ever cheated at golf, snuck a peek at a friend's diary or finished the whole pint of ice cream, here is a gleeful compendium of rationalizations to live by. Because no matter how badly we behave, there's a little voice inside our heads that says something to make us feel better.

A book for everyone who's ever cheated just a little bit at golf (I'm only moving the ball to where it should have landed) or gone to a party instead of visiting a sick friend (If I were in the hospital, I wouldn't want a bunch of people bothering me), Rationalizations to Live By offers dozens of perfect rationalizations for behavior that ranges from the selfish, thoughtless, and irresponsible to the boorish, self-destructive, and un-p.c. A group effort by four of the funniest people writing books today, it evokes both nervous laughter (for what we recognize in ourselves) and happy superiority (because we can't believe anyone could do that). For example:
Look how long the French live.
All of this shopping is good for the economy.
This doesn't really count as sex.
I'm earning frequent-flyer miles.
Video games are good for my kid's motor skills.
Picasso didn't do his best work until he was 70.
He'll just spend it on liquor.
I only smoke at parties.
And, of course, the universal: Everybody does it.

Henry Beard is the cofounder of National Lampoon. He is also the author of Golfing, Sailing and other well-defined dictionaries, as well as Zen for Cats, The Official Exceptions to the Rules of Golf and dozens of other books.

John Boswell is an author and book packager who has written or cowritten thirteen books, including French for Cats and O.J.'s Legal Pad with Henry Beard.

Andy Borowitz contributes humor to both The New Yorker and The New York Times. He cocreated the television series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and coproduced the movie Pleasantville.