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Overview
What real boys have to say:
"A lot of people use words like 'psycho' or 'wacko' to refer to people who are feeling glum or think they might want to take their own life. I think these sorts of slang terms create further isolation in a teen, and that's not what you want to do to a teen who already feels alone" —Alexander, 18, from a small town in the South
"A guy is supposed to be strong, tall, and fast and have the qualities of an ideal athlete. At the same time he's supposed to be smart. He's expected to be nearly perfect." —Chandler, 14, from a suburb in the Northwest
"What I hate about this school is that I am being picked on in the halls and just about everywhere else." —Cody, 14, from a suburb in New England
In Real Boys, Dr. William Pollack explored the issues that most boys in our nation face today. In this fascinating follow-up bestseller, Pollack goes right to the source: boys ages 10 to 20-evoking the secret struggles and passions of America's adolescent males in their own words. Their voices are searingly honest and eager to be heard, revealing how society's outdated expectations force them to mask their feelings of isolation, depression, longing, love, and hope. We hear from boys and young men in big cities and small towns-including survivors of the Columbine High School massacre-who share compelling, extrordinarily candid stories about bullying, drugs, sports, school, parents, sex, love, and much more. Pollack also offers ways to start a dialog and illustrates through templates what to do in many situations. This is an eye-opening book for teenage boys and girls, but-with its insights and strategies for dealing with their issues-especially invaluable for all the people in their lives.
Synopsis
What are boys today saying about drugs, sex, sports, violence, ambition, school, parents? The author of the bestseller REAL BOYS now lets us listen directly to boys speaking out about their lives and many hot topics, and he offers advice on how boys and adults can speak with one another more effectively.
From the Author:
In my travels throughout this country–from the inner-city neighborhoods of Boston, New York, and San Francisco to suburbs in Florida, Connecticut, and Rhode Island; from small, rural villages in New Hampshire, Kentucky, and Pennsylvania to the pain-filled classrooms of Littleton, Colorado–I have discovered a glaring truth: America's boys are absolutely desperate to talk about their lives.
Publishers Weekly
Drawing on interviews with young men across the country, Harvard clinical psychologist Pollack presents a candid, troubling and occasionally humorous snapshot of contemporary American boyhood in this follow-up and companion to his bestselling Real Boys. Contextualizing young men's comments on their loneliness, depression, fear, anger and frustration, as well as their hopes and joys, within his broader research, Pollack illustrates what he views as the straitjacket of the "Boy Code." This false machismo is perpetuated, he says, by our country's "oppressive boyhood culture," a plague of homophobia and what he calls the "major national crisis" of suicide (which has tripled since 1970 for adolescent boys ages 15-19). Thematic chapters cover such topics as friendship, sex, spirituality and renewal, parents, divorce, sports, violence and more. In one of the most deeply disturbing and moving chapters, Pollack talks to boys in Littleton, Colo., many of them survivors of the Columbine High School massacre. Yet his message is hopeful: the conditions are right, he believes, "to give America's boys complete emotional freedom, to offer them the deep human understanding they desire and so richly deserve." To this end, he outlines a 15-step program for mentoring boys and redefining boyhood, from creating safe, "shame-free" havens where they can open up to those who care about them, to bully-proofing neighborhoods and schools and encouraging creative expression and spiritual connections. Practical and forceful, this is an important contribution to the growing body of commentary on helping boys navigate the rocky road to manhood. Agent, Lane Zachary; 13-city tour. (July) Copyright 2000 Cahners Business Information.|
Editorials
Publishers Weekly -
Drawing on interviews with young men across the country, Harvard clinical psychologist Pollack presents a candid, troubling and occasionally humorous snapshot of contemporary American boyhood in this follow-up and companion to his bestselling Real Boys. Contextualizing young men's comments on their loneliness, depression, fear, anger and frustration, as well as their hopes and joys, within his broader research, Pollack illustrates what he views as the straitjacket of the "Boy Code." This false machismo is perpetuated, he says, by our country's "oppressive boyhood culture," a plague of homophobia and what he calls the "major national crisis" of suicide (which has tripled since 1970 for adolescent boys ages 15-19). Thematic chapters cover such topics as friendship, sex, spirituality and renewal, parents, divorce, sports, violence and more. In one of the most deeply disturbing and moving chapters, Pollack talks to boys in Littleton, Colo., many of them survivors of the Columbine High School massacre. Yet his message is hopeful: the conditions are right, he believes, "to give America's boys complete emotional freedom, to offer them the deep human understanding they desire and so richly deserve." To this end, he outlines a 15-step program for mentoring boys and redefining boyhood, from creating safe, "shame-free" havens where they can open up to those who care about them, to bully-proofing neighborhoods and schools and encouraging creative expression and spiritual connections. Practical and forceful, this is an important contribution to the growing body of commentary on helping boys navigate the rocky road to manhood. Agent, Lane Zachary; 13-city tour. (July) Copyright 2000 Cahners Business Information.|VOYA
Pollack has listened to boys around the country discuss their lives, apprehensions, and aspirations, and in his second book about adolescent males, he discloses how young men cannot reveal their true feelings without the fear of being ostracized. Societal and cultural pressures force boys to "wear the mask of masculinity" and follow the rules of behavior established by the "boy code." These standards demand that boys be strong and hide their emotions for fear of being considered weak, undesirable, and ineffective. Divided into five sections, the book covers the total range of boys' lives—relationships, violence, sexuality, loneliness, and depression. Many boys discuss the feeling of dishonesty that comes from presenting a different persona to parents, to teachers, and sometimes to friends while guarding the "real person" inside. Young males between the ages of twelve and twenty also reveal their fears of not being able to measure up to other people's expectations of them. Television, movies, and magazines display macho images that conflict with many boys' true inner feelings. They frequently are torn between a "damned if you do and a damned if you don't" position. This dilemma occurs in many social situations, especially if they involve sex or drug use. Young men also are worried about the violence and anger that is often a part of their world. They want guidance in handling these pressures even if they do not ask for it. This recommended book is extremely useful for parents, teachers, clergy, psychologists and anyone who cares about the well being of boys. 2000, Random House, 392p, $25.95. Ages Adult. Reviewer: Brenda Moses-AllenSOURCE: VOYA, December 2000 (Vol. 23, No.5)