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Overview
Stepfamily literature suggests that many or most typical U.S. re/marriages fail legally. Many more couples endure daily unhappiness rather than divorce again. Millions of co-parents (stepparents and bioparent mates) and their kids endure stress and conflict, rather than the warmth, security, companionship and potential love they pictured while dating. Few couples would board a jet with their kids if the odds of crashing were over half - yet millions undertake stepfamily re/marriage unaware of the 14 danger signs on p. 9.
From 25 years’ clinical research, and experience as a stepson and stepfather, veteran therapist Peter Gerlach, MSW, offers an effective way for courting couples to decide whether they’re choosing the right people to re/wed, for the right reasons, at the right time.
This is the third book in a re/divorce-prevention series. The series proposes 12 co-parent safeguard projects to neutralize five re/marriage hazards: (1) denied psychological wounds, (2) unawareness of stepfamily realities and key life skills, (3) blocked grief, (4) courtship neediness and delusions, and (5) little informed human and media support.
Volume 4 in the series, Build a High-nurturance Stepfamily (xlibris.com), guides co-parents and supporters through projects 8-12. Both books refer to many articles and worksheets in the companion non-profit Stepfamily inFormation Web site [ sfhelp.org ].
Peter has spent over 17,000 hours in clinical, phone, and classroom consultation with members of ~1,000 typical Midwestern divorced families and stepfamilies since 1981. He is an invited Board member of the nonprofit Stepfamily Association of America, and a contributing editor of "Your Stepfamily" magazine.
Synopsis
This book and related volumes for co-parents and supporters are unique in the genre of stepfamily self-help books for seven reasons. One reason is they're based on 25 years' professional research, and personal and clinical experience.
Most stepfamily researchers agree that a high percentage of the millions of typical American re/marriages involving prior kids ultimately divorce psychologically or legally. This follows about half of recent U.S. first-marriages failing. The "/" notes it may be a stepparent's first union.
This practical guidebook proposes five reasons why most marriages fail, and a series of 12 safeguard projects that courting partners can work at together to help them choose.
- the right people to commit to (mate, stepkids, ex mates, and kin); at...
- the right time (after grieving, healing, and learning key basics); for
- The right reasons. There are over a dozen common wrong reasons.
This reference book gives courting co-parents an effective way to prevent probable re/divorce:(1) understanding and accepting five hazards they and dependent kids face, and (2) co-committing to patient work together on the first seven of 12 projects. The sequel - Build a High-nurturance Stepfamily, Xlibris.com - outlines Projects 8-12.
This book is also useful for re/married mates and supporters (like kin, clergy, therapists, and mediators) who want to promote lasting, high-nurturance stepfamily relationships "from the ground up."
Other guidebooks in this re/divorce prevention series are:
1) Who's Really Running Your Life? - free your Self from custody, and guard your kids (Project 1)
2) Satisfactions - seven relationship skills you need to know (Project 2)
3) The Remarriage Book - overcome (19) common stressors together (Project 8), and...
4) Build a Co-parenting Team after Divorce or Remarriage (Projects 9 and 10)